The hardest thing to do is say goodbye.

I wish this was going to be a motivational, and inspiring post but alas, I just need an ear for this one.

I am unfortunately going through a situation, that many don't relate or understand, and it makes things all the more complicated when you feel like you are talking to a wall. I have been struggling to come to terms with a situation my sibling has put my family in, and while the rest of them compliment and reward him with his decisions, I all of a sudden have been thrown in the dark. My family has not seen the accomplishments or the effort that I have gone through to achieve them and it doesn't confuse me but it also hurts. While he has gone out of his way to make himself noticeable and unique I feel that anything I say or do is not worthless. My brother and I are a year and 8 days apart, so between the two of us, we have always felt it is a competition to be noticed by our parents more than the other sibling. He always had better grades than me and always seemed to have more friends, but then in high school, the roles flipped. I became more active and became more social with my theatre department. My parents started recognizing me for my achievements and the amount of effort I put in to make myself recognized. My senior year this became a big struggle for my brother and began going out of the way in ways that families should never watch a child try to go through, to the point that it became illegal. I being slightly selfish, seemed to put it aside and not worry about it, until it started affecting me. Then my life started being altered by his decisions. My graduation party was put to a hold because of him, I almost didn't get to go on vacation and the list goes on. By my beginning of freshman year for college, I lost more than enough people in my life that I was close to and trusted, which resulted in me to focus on my family and re-create the relationships with them, one being my brother. All was well until the end of my brother's senior year. Fights were breaking out, the arguments would get larger and it would be to the point that people would leave for days at a time. I felt like my world was ending, and then one day I heard the words,"I'm moving to Reno, NV to live with my boyfriend."
Although I may be sounding like my brother is a horrible guy, he's really not. I have grown up with him and we used to be best friends. We made some amazing memories together and although he and I have the worst arguments in the world, I knew he was there for me. I knew I had him for an ear to listen and we would go out for lunch and talk about how much we hated people. I don't know why all of a sudden it's just hitting me that I am losing a big piece of my life. I seem selfish but I don't want him to leave. It feels that my family could care less about me at this point because my brother has made this huge change in his life that everyone is being affected by. I love my brother and I want the best for him but it just doesn't seem fair that he gets to go venture out while I stay. Will he come back? will he stay in touch? questions I won't get to know. Is it selfish that this is by far the most unsettling change that I am going through and I don't want him leaving, yes. I wish for just once, things would stay the same.